have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
