"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
