Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize