these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
