If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
