I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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