Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
