The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
