yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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