just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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