Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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