I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
