I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
