True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Panties = found
Randomize
