We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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