Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
