i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
