Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
