Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
