How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
