Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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