I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize