I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
