Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
