Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
