Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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