When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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