When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
