Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize