i just google imaged poop.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
