We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
