oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
