some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
