Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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