When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
