he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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