She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
