Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
