Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My dick has a subreddit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
