idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
