im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
