my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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