i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
