I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
