Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize