If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
