I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
