I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
