how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
