It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
