My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
