i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
