I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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