i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
