I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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