Quick, to the slutcave!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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