new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
