The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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