i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
where are my eyebrows?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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