Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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