If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
