im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
