just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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