It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
