Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
