This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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