You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
