Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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