either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My vagina is officially offended.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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