And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
