I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
