i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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