I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
