that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
this hospital has no fireball
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
