Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Boobs are out for the taking
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dicks are not precious.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
