Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just pee around me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
