I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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