Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize