Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize