No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
