i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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