I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
