hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
