i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
