I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
