This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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