i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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