i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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