Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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