also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
