I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
