my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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