I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
