When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
