My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You may now shotgun with the bride
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
