Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
