PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
