porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
