sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
