I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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