Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
