You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
