We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
