Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
