Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
