is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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